Today I can sit back and smile, not only am I thoroughly enjoying My new writing class but they’re enjoying Me too. I’ve had a great week professionally for My writing. In the last 7 days I’ve had 2 print magazines released featuring 3 new works of Mine. I have 2 new erotic stories out “Netflix and Chill” and “High For This” plus My interview with Playboy Playmate Shani Hollywood was released today. I just thought I should have a permalink here where you guys had access to My writing resume. Although it isn’t on the list I was just hired this week to write for the new site The Urban Twist. I won’t be submitting My first article until this weekend so I didn’t add it but I’m so excited.
I swear I be feeling so torn at times between who I used to be, who I am and who I want to be and My self imposed obligations to those who really could care less what I do. It’s funny because in this world we live in today it’s easy to feel more important than we are. It’s easy to get caught up in your own hype and the never ending stream of LIKES that come in from various social media sites. I’ve been telling you guys forever that I wanted to start to pull away from social media more but it’s not easy. Social media makes a person like Me feel validated. That picture above COULD BE ME. That’s how I look and feel almost daily. No matter how many men drool over Me online, every day I’m alone staring at My phone half the day waiting for someone to say I matter. How crazy is that?
It’s a viscous cycle, you post something and wait to hear your phone ding and when it doesn’t ding enough you check back and forth. How many likes, how many new followers today, how many retweets, how many reposts. Is this really the way to seek validation? I mean I remember when I first started in this business the only social networking site that there was that was popular was Myspace, Black Planet was out but not as popular. I still remember when twitter started so it’s hard to believe that in just a few short years these social networking sites took over everyone’s lives.
So over the years I’ve went through many transitions and after My retirement last year from modeling and actively recording new masturbation and fetish videos it was kind of like now what. I knew what I didn’t WANT to do and yet I knew what I NEEDED to do. I don’t really want to do a lot of things that I have still been open to but I’m legally disabled as I always say and while My disability covers the bills and some of My sons needs I still need to work to survive adequately. BUT what happens when you’re so uninterested in the work you stop chasing it and just wait for it to come and it stops coming?
I’ll tell you what you do, you reevaluate your life and decide what you really want and what it’s worth. I know I need the money but I’ve chosen to suffer, cut back and go without things I want or need because while it’s very easy to whip out My camera and record new videos it’s not easy to make Myself feel better afterwards. While I don’t mind doing cam shows once a week for My regular customers and long time fans the idea of sitting on cam and building new relationships on a cam site hoping that I make money depresses Me. I worked too long and too hard in this business to not have built a LOYAL base of fans and support.
They say that the entertainment business is harsh especially for female performers because there’s a new crop of girls turning 18 and jumping in the business daily. In the time alone since My retirement I can’t imagine how many girls have replaced Me to My fanbase but it’s obvious they have. I’m no longer a hot name and though I have all kinds of stuff going on business wise no one seems to care because I’m not doing all the wild new shit I used to. This at one point would have destroyed Me. In 2 days I’m coming off another 30 day ban on facebook and I think this is the first time I didn’t even mention I was on ban, the first time I didn’t direct people to follow Me elsewhere and make sure they keep up.
I remember in the old days when facebook would put Me on a 30 day ban I was so sure that what I posted was needed, relevant, that My fans NEEDED and loved Me so much I’d make a new page lol. I had 2 or 3 pages at one point and one by one I shut them down to keep My main one and fan page. I realized I didn’t even want to give that much energy to facebook and the reality was that no matter how much time I seem to spend promoting on social network the conversion rate just never seems to pan out. In essence it all feels like I’m stressing Myself out over things that no longer matter. My facebook page has 686 friends and 24,5111 followers, TWO people have messaged Me or commented on My page in 28 days to question where I am, though until the day I was put on ban I posted daily.
I post on twitter and instagram daily but notice that My twitter followers haven’t went up in a year at last. I’ve been at 33,000+ followers for so long now I don’t expect the number to change. My instagram creeps though I’m there daily. It starts to make Me wonder why I’m spending so much time on something that not only doesn’t make Me happy but brings Me little gain. This website is a labor of love. I pay to run it, I spend My time and energy on it, I built it Myself and yet I have one or two regular commenters and again, little conversion rate from the people who love to come here and enjoy all the free videos and pics. I won’t embarrass you or Myself by telling you how many have actually BOUGHT a video lately, who have BOUGHT a photo set. How many of you have shown support.
I have hung around for you but I can see that I can start to finally shift focus more because I’m not abandoning anyone. I’m not being mean to My loyal fans lol I may be mean to some people who love My freebies but there’s plenty online. This summer I paid for the domain name for this site for another year. I think i will keep this site up a while longer, maybe until next summer but I can finally start to see it’s ok to move on the way I see fit because My fans have for the most part.
Besides I’ve started My new site Sapphire Spotlight On Talent, I want to focus more on My writing. I’m planning to start college in January and I want to continue to be known but for something different, something meaningful. I want to be known for something that is tangible and can’t disappear because someone else came along. I want to write, I want to help people. I want to leave a legacy behind that matters. So enjoy this site while it lasts but just as My star has faded this too shall before you know it…..
I accidentaly stumbled across “Woody” from the Baltimore based singign group Dru Hill on instagram the other day. He had a quote in his bio that really stood out to Me. He is no longer in the group, though there are still on tour and have added a new member. When I saw his quote I immediately felt connected, like I needed to learn what he had. It was a bible verse “It is better to be an ordinary person working for a living than playing the part of someone great but go hungry” – Proverbs 12:9 GNT I’d rather work hard at something I enjoy than continue to stress trying to hold on to this glory and have to suffer and go without.
I’m the friend that all My friends come to for advice yet I NEVER want to take My own. I always know what I want and of course I know what’s best for Me, but like most. I go against it. When i started My other website, Sapphire Spotlight on Talent I was optimistic about it. I hoped it would flourish but it didn’t I found Myself disappointed because others weren’t embracing My vision as I was.
It took some time but I was able to start listening to My own advice and realize that it’s not about who else grasps hold of the site and what I’m doing , it’s more important that I focus on what I love. I just finished writing and article for the site on pursuing your passions. I’m including a small excerpt below but for the rest click the link and check out the full article.
Have you ever felt stuck in the life you’ve created for yourself? Your life may be going just fine on the surface, you’re employed, you’re managing to pay your bills, you have a wonderful spouse. But you live the same routine every day, day in and day out only daydreaming about the life you wished you lived. At some point in time we all find that we feel stuck. The question is how long will you allow yourself to go on like that. Will you ever pursue your dreams and be real to your authentic self or will you just go on living a mediocre life?
We all have bills to play , we all have responsibilities and many of us have excuses for why we are not living the life we dream of living. Some of the biggest excuses we give ourselves for not chasing our dreams are
You ever have one of those days where you wake up feeling too damn hot for your own good? That’s how I woke up today, like yes! I’m hot, I feel good and I wanna fuck…then I looked around and realized I’m single. I gotta keep all this sexiness to Myself and then I realized I can share it all with you. Ya y for you.
It might be that I was up late masturbating last night. Can I confess I had the hardest time finding the right video to masturbate to. I was straight trying to find the guy that could suck the best dick. Yea I said it lol. But I kept getting these videos with guys with huge dicks being played with by amateurs. I wanted to see some serious male on male dick swallowing. I know it’s weird but porn itself was never My thing. I’ve enjoyed watching people have sex live in front of Me for years though. Gay or straight it never mattered, I enjoy the live show.
I ended up thinking about the other day when I got a massage with a happy ending to get off. I got a friend that comes once a week and gives Me a great full body rubdown followed by some head and eating My ass. And this week, damn he ate it with gusto. I mean I think he was trying to tell me he loved Me.
Don’t forget you can always get many more of My hot videos at
I’ve been spending so much time on pornhub lately. In fact enough time there I’ve actually started to answer My inbox sporadically. Every now and then the messages aren’t too dirty to read. I enjoy interacting with My fans, especially the ones who have stood by Me through My multiple transitions.
This week in particular I’ve been spending a lot more time online updating the sites I am active on. So far in the past week I’ve uploaded 4 new videos to pornhub. I hope you’re My friend or subscriber on there so you don’t miss out on a thing. For your naughty viewing pleasure I’ve attached the new ones inside.
I’m getting pretty popular over there with3,149subscribers2,929friends and 2,350,410video views. I still can’t believe I’m so loved there. There are 4 FREE photo sets for you too.
Pornhub is totally free and to date I have 86 free videos for you to watch, don’t miss out. Spend every day with My hot and sexy ass.
Nothing good comes easy they say but they’re wrong. I cum very easy when you please Me right. That’s evidenced over and over in all My videos on pornhub. As a treat before I go here’s another one of those hot foot fetish videos from Smothering Black Asses.
Hey My loves I hope this blog post finds you all in great spirits. I Myself am in back pain but won’t complain….unless it will make you send Me to the spa because then ow ow ow I really need a massage. Lmao I know, I’m so naughty. I hope that everyone is doing great. It’s humpday and as we get over this hump and closer to the weekend I’m ready.
I’ve been active online this week trying to build up all the sites I’m on and writing. I just turned in My newest erotic story “High For This” for the Bad Girls and Drugs issue of B.A.D.D. Magazine that will be released later this month. I also just turned in My questions for Playboy playmate Shani Hollywood for the next issue of 86 Blvd. Modeling was nice, porn was interesting but writing is what I love most.
You can check out My pinterest board, Sapphire the Writer to get all of the magazines i write for as well as check out My online articles and stories.
I’ve been busy updating My page on the adult social networking site
youkandy.com There are free and paid videos and well as free and paid photo galleries and you can even request or purchase custom content from Me through the site.
But don’t just believe Me, It’s FREE to join, and there are so many hot women just like Me there waiting to turn you on. Check out all of our free pics and video, especially Mine lol http://www,youkandy.com/sexysapphire
Before I go here’s another one of those fetish videos I found of Myself from working with Smothering Black Asses.
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