by the water

Non-Traditional Dating is the Only Way for Me.



booty up

It’s 2017 and it the way we date and mate has changed dramatically over the years. Increasingly, people are dating in non-traditional manners. From booty calls to side pieces, the traditional method of courting seems to be thrown to the wayside in many cases.

I’ve been single now for the greater part of the last seven years. In this time, I have continued to casually date in a very non-traditional format. I look at myself as polyamorous, I’ve never felt the need to restrict myself to one lover or mate.  At one time in my life, I shared an apartment with my two lovers, one male and the other female. I found it to be a happy and peaceful way of life. You should have seen my stepmom’s face when I’d bring them both to family events.

When I picture my dream life, I see myself and multiple mates sharing a home with our children. I envision a happy community family unit as in the motherland.

That’s just me though.

White Queen

I feel totally disconnected to many of the traditions and time-honored rituals involved in dating. We’ve totally evolved from a time in history when women were essentially sold into marriage (father chose husband, dowry paid) or men asked a father for his daughter’s hand in marriage, to a time in history when two women can marry and have or adopt a child without anyone batting an eye.

We live in an era where even the traditional form of courting has changed dramatically. Gone are the days of a man calling up a woman and asking her out in advance, showing up with flowers or candy, opening doors and paying for the date. That used to be automatic. These days it’s about Netflix and chill, men and women face time and call it courting, dates are dutch treat and he still gets laid at the end of the night, somehow.

Everything has changed.

The freedom to be myself and date as I feel, not as I’m told has afforded me the opportunity to try many styles of dating. I’ve been in the following types of relationship:

  • Single with one lover
  • Single with multiple lovers
  • Dating one guy but having a girlfriend as well
  • Sugar Daddy/Sugar Baby
  • Long Distance
  • Lesbian

I have literally tried everything except traditional dating in the last 10 years. It has been over a decade since I have said to a guy, “I love you and only you.” Truthfully, I have a hard time believing I will ever say those words again. It goes against everything I feel inside. My love is abundant, I want to share it with many people, but love does not mean sex, and sex does not mean love. If I mentally and emotionally connect to someone else, I want to nurture that. I’d want my partner to nurture those relationships in their life without fear of losing me.

I envy those with open sexual relationship but are committed to loving each other. It seems the most natural way of dating and connecting with someone. I’m a firm believer that sex is purely a physical act that happens based off of attraction, pheromones and natural body reactions. It’s beautiful when your partner gives you the freedom to sleep with and connect to others without jealousy and fear of punishment

Keep in mind that doesn’t mean run around screwing everything you can like a dog. I mean genuine connections where your body and mind have already made decisions without you

Sex rarely means love; how else could we explain all of these fatherless children? People are sleeping with each other for all kinds of reasons, love being low on the list. In fact, back in the day, sex was the reason many married, not love. It was frowned upon by our deeply religious society to have sex before marriage.

Just as religions in America have diversified more than ever, so have the ways we date. It seems as if nothing is taboo anymore. The terms “sister wives” “cougar” and “side piece” may as well be added to the dictionary they’ve become so common. Thanks to reality television, those who were ignorant of these lifestyles, now have the opportunity to take a peek into the way others live from the comfort of their living rooms.

As humans, have things that happen to our bodies physically that we have little to no control over. Trying to stifle these feelings and natural reactions because society says what comes natural, must be wrong, it can’t be beneficial to us as a whole. You can’t pretend to be something you’re not and still be happy. Look at Bruce Jenner, trapped for years in the image he was supposed to portray until finally one day he had to be free.

That’s why I think anyone who is getting married should write their own vows. It makes no sense to stand in front of your friends and family and lie to the person you love. Why tell this person that they will be all you want for the next 30, 40, 60 years? Do you want the same meal for dinner daily? Trust me, everything gets old.

I’ll be in open relationships for the rest of my life. Even if I’m head over heels in love with someone ( like I am about the guy I’m seeing now), I know that in the next 30 or 40 years I’m going to get an itch they can’t scratch.

Non-traditional styles of dating aren’t for everyone, but neither is traditional dating as we can see from how little it actually happens. Are you single or booed up? How did you meet your mate? Did you court traditionally or hook u until you realized you were in a relationship?

by the water

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